What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 03:27
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
What type of crossdresser are you?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
What movies and TV shows portray realistic beauty standards?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i lived it daily.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do I sweat so much after applying moisture or sun screen on my face? I have normal skin.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What's an uncomfortable truth you've learned to accept?
She wouldn,t have been !
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im still living with it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Why does everyone hate Ed Sheeran so much?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She found it foreign!.
Ive learnt so much.
Has anyone been tricked into having sex with a shemale? How was the experience?
But it wasn’t much.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
In your opinion, who is the most overrated singer/band/artist in modern music history and why?
I will be 64.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
It was going to be , some day.
She was in good health!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Comes on , in middle age.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was seconnd youngest,
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But ive been too sick for many years..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When she asked me how she looked .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What did i know ?
I couldn’t, believe it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He knew the spot.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We all went to grammer schools
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So whats the point in blame.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Put me off passion for life!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She married twice! .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was 9 years of age.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Would this be the day?
I was very sick at this time too.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was scared of men, in general
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I have no regrets .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I think the readers, may guess!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
All the time i was locked up.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were not on the streets..
I said to her
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I write beautiful poetry .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Who then, do I blame.?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
So, i spoilt her more .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot live in the past .